When you get to know our daughter, you’ll get to know us too. So be sure you’re comfortable with me seeing what you’re sending.
I will ask you a lot of questions and make sure you know that I know how special my daughter is. No, I’m not going to be nosey, rude or obsessive about it But, if my daughter’s phone just happens to be laying on the table, and I see she’s gotten a text, I might take a look at it.
Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.